Other than the semi-rush / late hour probably the biggest weakness I see is that your goals are somewhat abstract ("Do good things!") then your timeline mentions oddly specific things ("Game Manager piece!") without having a good expansion on that part. Often it helps to have an overview section "Goals are A B and C - good things!" then detailed sections "Manager X is meant to handle this thing this way and that way, Manager Y ..." so that you flow nicely from abstract to details to timeline.